Which came first: the Jew or the Jew?
by collected entropy
Summary: Cartman muses over his purpose in life and his two hates Jews and of course Kyle! random prattle i won't pretend it's good but it's worth a once over.


**Authors note: just Cartman thinking- done in 20 minuets, it can be him at anytime- I'd like to think he's the 'cannon' age of 9, but what ev- it's just musings I've tried to keep character so tell me if I've screwed up Marjory.**

**Oh I don't own sp, don't sue.**

**And remember spell check has still get internal bleeding- so bear with me, K!**

What is the purpose of life?

I believe its hate

I strive on my hate for Jews- on my hate for '_him_'… I hate Kyle Broflovski.

Hating him and his '_people_' is my purpose in life, even more than hate!

I don't know why, really.

I mean, I base my whole existence on hating those whiny, cheap, arrogant, know it all pricks… but why?

It's the chicken and the egg paradox I think, did my hatred form from the Jews, then Kyle- or was it reverse? Or do I really hate Kyle because he's a Jew, or hate Jews because '_he_' is one of them.

It's not like I'm crazy over Jesus either, sometimes he pisses me off- I mean he's the fucking son of God and he's reduced himself to a cheap talk show host-

And don't get me started on the high and mighty, God.

What is he exactly anyway?

I saw him, we don't even have a word for the kind of ugly that thing is, and he's supposed to created the world? What a laugh! If he created everything, you think he could have created himself some fucking opposable fucking thumbs!

But I digress

Back to my Jew before the Jew theory, we live right near each other me and '_him_,' and '_his_' mother took an usual 'interest' in me and my- rambunctious ways, she thought my mother was 'unfit' and 'whorish'

And she is…

But WHAT RIGHT DID SHE HAVE TO SAY IT!

She would put me a Kyle together to 'play' so she could try and control my life and punish me- it's Kyle fucking fault- if '_he_' didn't exist that bitch would be on my back.

But from the begin I knew there was something 'queer'- pardon the pun- about him, for instance his last name

Broflovski

_Broflovski _

_**Broflovski **_

It just wasn't right- then there was his morals… he 'had' them- what self respecting three year old has morals! I could barely talk at that age and HE WAS FUCKING LECTURING ME ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF FIRE FUCKING SAFTY!

Well that lecture sure came back to bite him in the ass a year later…

But don't get me wrong, the Broflovski's weren't my first Jewish encounter, thank god! No- her name was Lydia Mabel, and she was my hero back then…

Weak huh?

I know- and get this she was dating my mom!

Lesbian suck, I know, but I was young.

And my mom was fucking in love with her, no other men or women- at least not for my mom; Lydia was an even bigger whore than my mom!

And that's saying something, seriousha.

Anyway, she was an anti-Semitic Jew- meaning she's Jewish by religion but hates the race (I know fully warped, man) and she would preach about how awful Jews were- and I was fascinated with her-

But-

When I was three and a half, Lydia cheated openly with Gerald Broflovski, it almost ruined my mom and '_his_' mom… she had promised Kyle's dad a dolphin if he did it with her…

She was such a fucking hypocrite right- Gerald Broflovski is about as Jew as you get!

And well- Lydia tripped on a knife the next say-

Five times.

And I guess I was a little sad, not crying or nothing, I'm no pussy

But Kyle he- he- he consolidated me, he knew what had happened and he was trying to see the best in me, I fucking killed someone and he thought there was still some good in me- what an ass wipe!

When we hit four we went to Kindergarten and Kyle met Stan and then it was double the pussy- I of course found Kenny… he was fun the push around and trick, then later he started to wise up thanks to the Jew and the Hippie (which is my other hate- which also brings up my other life question of which came first: the hippie or the hippie…).

I can stand people hating me, no I love it, I feed off people thinking am an insensitive cold hearted barsted- because I really, truly am!

But Kyle, for all his anger filled words, for all his aggressive strikes, and bitchy screams- he really does think there's some good in me- and I just don't want to face it.

Which is a load of crap…

It is!

And the Jews are no better, trying to treat me like a son- like the bitch Broflovski and treating me like a fucking equal- like that whore Lydia- who really asks the opion of a fucking three year old?

They all want to be nice to me, when they know deep down I'm a little shit and their cold, heartless, Jesus killing Jews.

Even when everyone thinks I'm a lost cause

Even my mother…

But I think my paradox is still going to remain a mystery cause no of this is really relevant.

I will forever hate Jews.

I will forever hate Kyle.

And I will forever hate that they don't really hate me back.


End file.
